Saturday, 4 August 2012

Bradley Wiggins; Sex God?

We all knew the Olympics was going to be a massive perve fest. Can we take a moment to appreciate Tom Daley's ab-ulousness (those diver guys sure can dance).
A number of my not particularly bikey friends have recently told me that they think Bradley Wiggins is hot (not mentioning any names Amy). This topic came up while I was watching the swimming. Ok, by watching the swimming I mean watching Mark Foster co-present the high-lights...... which I didn't really pay attention to because I was busy telling him through the screen to take his shirt off. WHAT? I'm only human. Don't even get me started on the rowers. I'm not going to go on too much as I'm aware that this is all a matter of personal taste and I'm slightly worried about being chased around town by people shouting 'SEXIST'.

As much as I think Wiggins is a God, I'm not sure I would ever call him a Sex God. Yet when I googled 'Team GB Hotties' (purely in the name of research, obviously) his image comes up tops. I've asked around as to why he's making so many people's 'To Do' lists, and in anticipation of him making centre fold in teenage girly magazines, you know the ones that come with a free glitter nail varnish, I've compiled a list of my own (teen magazines are welcome to publish these facts in a Bodoni MT Poster Compressed font):
1. His bling. 
He's got more gold than Mr T. Actually he hasn't, but 'more gold than Steve Redgrave' doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it? Actually winning stuff and having the medals to prove it is way more impressive. Take note guys on stag do I saw with my friends who were trying to chat up girls by showing off that one of them had an Olympic rings tattoo. I saw no evidence that he had ever entered a gym, let alone an Olympic stadium. Teen magazine, you might want to cut and paste his win statistics here, I'm not going to do all your work for you.

2. He speaks French.
There is nothing sexier than a London boy who randomly cracks out a second language. Cue lots of guys scraping up their GCSE French and saying 'P√Ętisserie' in the same accent as the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast. Wiggins was born in Belgium but moved to London when he was two. Spending five years cycling for French teams is what made him fluent.

3. He's taken.
No one liked Beckham before he married Posh. Let me rephrase that. No one liked Beckham before Posh made him get rid of his curtains. Wiggins got married at 24 and has two children who probably skipped stabilisers and rode bikes before they could walk.

4.He's cool.
Don't you hate it when guys go on about protein shakes and the Dukan diet? Wiggins won't bore you with such things. He celebrated his recent gold medal by getting absolutely blind drunk. Get in. Also, he hasn't gone through a world of media training so often uses swears and is not afraid of throwing in  the 'C' word around. Everyone knows swearing is even cooler than smoking.

5. His Look.
With his mod style signature side burns and lanky frame (he is a foot taller than me and currently weighs only one stone more) he's is not your typical pin up. 
Ok, time to 'fess up. I'm having sleepless nights worrying that Wiggins will send the sales of Lycra soaring. I'm even more worried that it may stretch beyond the cycle lanes (where I have over the years trained myself not to look directly at it) and onto the streets, into pubs, into homes..... NOOOooooo. Just the other day someone stole Bradley's Lycras from a Surrey Hotel. Hopefully it was just a pervert and not someone who will actually try and squeeze them on and wear them out in public.

6. He's Clever.
I just accidentally spelt that 'Cleaver' before my spell check laughed at me, ironic huh?
Wiggins is a clever guy, he predicted my Lycra becoming main stream fears, collaborated with Fred Perry and released a collection of slim fit combed COTTON pique shirts inspired by  traditional cycling jerseys. Staying true to the classic Fred Perry shirt design but replacing buttons with a zip down funnel neck. They have feature a zip back pocket and have added multi-striped tipping to the cuffs.

Bradley Wiggins White Cycling Shirt £65
Bradley Wiggins Black Cycling Shirt £65
Bradley Wiggins 1964 Sky Blue Cycling Shirt £65

View the Fred Perry x Bradley Wiggins collaboration here.

1 comment:

  1. Heh great post Jude, but I felt cheated out of a wrap up paragraph after the photos! Even I like Wiggins despite my natural inclination not to after seeing him and hearing the media and various people gush some sycophantic effluent about him from every hole. But your points pretty much sum him up, even from a manly hetero perspective!