Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Euro Tour: Bonn to Sankt Goar// Hating wearing waterproof trousers with every fibre of my being.

Steeds, German Corner, Koblenz
Leaving Basecamp Bonn after doing the whole breakfast buffet rinsing, waterproofing procedure of electric taping sandwich bags over my socks and seethingly watching some Lycraed up dudes giving their parents their bags to drive ahead for them, I loaded up and made my way alongside the railway to meet the River Rhine. 

Don’t get me wrong, cycling in rain sucks balls but when you are surrounded by the lush vegetation of the Rhine Valley and watching the rain fall into the Rhine everything is so fresh. I make the most of times like these by taking in really deep breaths. Do you think there is such thing as too much fresh air? It’s just that I think my London lungs are freaking out a bit because I keep having dreams about smoking. 

There are a lot of German couples cycling down stream and they are so much better at being waterproof than me. Their pannier situation seems to be far superior too. We do the hello nods that they accompany with a pitiful look at me. 
What I want to look like (As Bold As Rain Trousers)
What I really look like.

Anyway, today was a dream cycling upstream along the Rhine cycle path that only strays slightly but when it does it’s clearly sign posted and even when you can’t see the river you can see the valley so navigationally you can’t go wrong. 

Here is my small rant on wearing waterproof trousers: 

I’m wearing my late father’s waterproof trousers that are bright red, obviously too big for me and probably meant for wearing sailing knowing him, not cycling. I’m not sure what you are supposed to wear under them so on the first day I just wore knickers. They did that thing that unbreathable waterproof clothing does of creating condensation inside. Being touched by shower curtains is on my list of things I hate. This feeling was being recreated with every pedal rotation which made me shudder every time so that was a lot of shuddering done yesterday. On top of that trauma they kept getting caught in the chain so today I electric taped them to my legs AND I wore leggings underneath so they wouldn’t directly touch my skin. Those small steps improved the situation so much that I worried that I might be getting good at wearing outdoor clothing and before long i’d be wearing fleece and those sporty sandals. This internal conflict took up most of the last part of today’s ride. You will never see a picture of me in these trousers because they are the fugliest item ever and i’m hating every moment of wearing them. They are certainly not coming home with me. 

Very few pictures are being taken right now on account of the rain and my finger tips being in a constant state of raisin which is not compatible with touch screens. Also I’m worried that these damn waterproof trousers might photobomb pictures and I never want to be reminded of them again so stop going on about them already.

Next stage Euro Tour: Sankt Goar ro Mannheim// Never trusting Google Maps and very nearly dying.

Thighs Matters Euro Tour stages:
Ulm to Ingolstadt// Bonking and trying on dresses 
Ingolstadt to Regensburg// Bike drying my hair and putting bikes on boats
10 Regensburg to Wörth an der Donau: Pimping my ride and hunting down chocolate
11 Wörth an der Donau to Passau// My last day in Germany and probably the sunburniest 
12 The Austrian bit. Not the Australian bit as autocorrect likes to think
13 Vienna to Bratislava// Five things to do that are not 'go on a stag do'
14 Bratislava to Gyor // Not checking my feast days
15 Gyor to Esztergom// Being scared of dogs and referring to my bike and I as 'we'

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