Five emergency last minute Christmas gifts

Yes you can get a Christmas tree on the back of a tandem

How the hell is it already Christmas? I still haven't put my halloween costume away, damn it. Here are some gifts you can buy online, any time:

Oh Christmas Trees

Can you believe it was nearly three months ago I reported on the Oxford Street Christmas lights going up? Since October my commute has been glittery and festive. Well this morning it was a different story:

On the plus side, this means summer is coming. Right?

Vintage Christmas Reading

I can't go out because ALL my coats and shoes are wet and mud splattered so I am having an evening in front of the fire reading. 

I have a little collection of old Cycling magazines and this Christmas one from December 1960 is my favourite.

See if you recognise who some of these Christmas greetings are from:

 I love all the illustrations.

 This issue of The New Yorker from 2008 with its "Green Christmas" cover by Marcellus is another favourite of mine.

If you are one of my friends and you get one of these as a present, they cost me loads at auction and have definitely not been on my shelf for ages.

Merry Christmas

I'm beginning to look a lot like Christmas

 Christmas helmet 2013 looks delicious.

Gloss paint says it takes 16 hours to dry. I can confirm that is true. After literally watching paint dry for all of 12 seconds I got too excited so wore it out. Gloss paint is really hard to get out your hair.

 In case you were wondering, you can't take a Christmas tree home on a BMX. A tandem on the other hand, that you can do.

 It's like pannier bags were made for this. You get a discount if you say you are taking your tree home on a tandem. And an audience.

All I want for Christmas is.... to ride around all day in my pudding helmet.

Christmas Bike Lights

YES. It's December, I can officially have chocolate for breakfast and start going on about Christmas.

Maya Angelou once said "I've learnt you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights." Well I'm about to Christmas up my bike so will be tackling my tangled up mess of battery pack lights. YAY.

If you want to avoid the whole untangling/ revealing your true self scenario, these guys might do the trick:

Santa or Rudolph Bike Lights by Red Berry Apple £10.95

Merry Christmas// Jingle Bikes

I'm a big fan of pimping my bikes/ helmets/ birthdays up with fairy lights. At Christmas I can completely indulge in this without looking crazy. Tomorrow I'll be tandeming from West London to South London to spend the day with family. 

Cycling on Christmas day is the best. The roads are quiet. Anyone you do see is SO happy and wishes you 'Merry Christmas' like it's the 1930s. Best of all you can stuff your face guilt free knowing you'll be burning some of those Christmas calories off.

My turbanised tinsel Christmas helmet....

.....with hidden fairy lights.

Jingle basket. It's going to be strange going over pot holes silently.

Oxford Street's Christmas Lights as seen from the back of the tandem.

Getting stuck behind a bus of drunk Santas.

A festive way to charmingly hide bike greased nails.

Riding around papping Christmassy Streets.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

You make me sick

*WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS SICK IMAGES*

Sick 'sick', not awesome/ crazy 'sick'.

 A technicoloured yawn, Ralphing, sharing your diet, calling Uncle Hurl, losing your lunch, de-food-ifying, pressing eject, keeping up with the Romans, feeding baby birds, painting the town red...green...orange and yellow, un-eating, decorating your shoes, tasting it twice, blowing chunks, gastro geyser, laughing at the lawn, hugging the porcelain throne, a round-trip meal ticket, Jackson Pollocking the pavement, vomming.......

I don't care what you call it, DON'T DO IT NEAR MY BIKE.

Party season is about to kick off and I'd like to not have to hold my breath while unlocking. If you must vom please do it at least a few metres from bike stands. Thaaaaaanks.

Drink responsibly.